Residuals

I didn’t want to die that day, I showed you that I could pray

You reached for

I just wanted you to know that I was afraid

I have asked the heavens to change that

In an embrace they did but it comes up again

I remembering rushing out the door

after I pleaded with you to let me go

You stood there and you let me pass

They were looking for me

I left because a lady at the store had the same story

and her story gave me strength

when they mentioned her and how she left

I dreamed that I could do it too

this is when you made me forget that I needed to leave you

you know, after the accusations.

after being out with my friends

or after that lady told me I could move in with her.

after you got upset and told me that we could do better

I remembered that I had to leave

I remembered that you wanted to go to

but you kept coming back just the same

I remembered that I bought you gifts because you were never happy

You were always miserable

Did you even like my smile?

I never bowed to you

I never really humbled myself

I became water

I shifted to your way

Until that day when you grabbed for

and I pleaded with you to let me out the door

I still remembered years later and I thanked God for my life

I thanked God for my life.

I let people know and you walked away

I became wanted

I would never say this out loud

I would never claim your demise

but I wish you the infiltration of your secrets,

I wish you the disconnection in relationships

I wish you the betrayal of many hearts

I wish you what you left me with

I thanked God for my life and each time I try to live it

your residuals are there.