Punch Drunk Black Girl Love

Loooong ago I used to think I was Jewish. Like really Jewish. I would get packages from Adam Sandler’s Jewish camp and I would be elated to look at this BORING ass CD that gave you insight into the happenings and the going ons of a day to day camp day. I could not tell you how much it cost but if it was free…I would have “went”. If it was around refund check time and it was close to a thousand dollars, I would have tried to catch that flight. This, however, is a time when ambition left me and I forgot how to travel. The cost of it all, I was so unsure, I only received the package because my name was “Shuler”. They did not know what color I was or how it came to be but I received it. From then I became an Adam Sandler film study and it was brilliant. Favorite movie was “Punch Drunk Love”. I always wanted a weird ass relationship. Where he did some weird shit to show he cared. The weirdest was some white boy that stopped a fast car for me and my son. He jumped in front of it and hit the hood hard. The man was in shock, probably because he himself may have needed something more to stop himself from moving. 

Let me define weird though, weird is when you begin to like someone and you know you like someone and you begin to show them that you like them in all of these eccentric ways. He was just there for her and wanted to be next to her and wanted to see her and protect her in all these great ways. 

I found a way to justify it all. I skimmed through some books only to find General Schuler with a C in some books in a library. As I searched for this I found that I could easily say that he was my great great grandfather an indentured servant that was never a slave. I changed my name after that. I had to I would be the next “Hype Williams”. I wanted to create some music videos that would be outstanding. I wanted to produce an album and shoot a video. Instead, I sat in front of a computer playing on ICQ and offering conversation and toaster’s strudels through the late nights to what I looked and loved as a bouquet of friends, 

Punch Drunk Love why would that not work in a Black or Asian arena of acting. That movie was funny and sort of not real sexy but gave voice to the people that are weird enough to go that extra mile for love. I always seem to for the wrong people. The care that he took to take time to love and find a way to get to her was amazing. 

I was introduced to podcasts 2 years ago. I never listened to them at all I had the pleasure of hearing Tiffany Haddish’s story on Facebook through the Breakfast Crew with Charlemagne and they are similar in some ways. I took my life off of the grid for a few years before trying to watch television or listen to the radio, I have begun to watch television but youtube has been a real outlet for me. I am still not listening to the radio. There could be a ton that I am missing out on. I enjoy my chill though. 

Okay back to the task at hand. I am black now. I have learned to find my pride in that, pushing away the shame of trying to be mixed in a world that doesn’t accept me as either. Ok, I know I am not mixed but I used to think I was. Damn. My imagination had the best of me and I used it and believed it all with reverence and discord. I owned being a Black Jewish girl to the fullest. I even went as far as to learn German. It excited me in each and every way possible. My excitement was silence though…until I saw the swastika, but that is an entirely different story of a different type of love.